spring cleaning

something i desperately want and need right about now.

starting with my room. i always complain and say i have too much stuff in my room, and that's true, i do. i have so much stuff that i don't know what to do with it, nor do i have the space for it. i've been slowly trying to get rid of things, like donating clothes or stuffed animals, but i just have so much stuff that it doesn't really look like i've made much (or ANY) progress. and i know i'm repeating myself. i can't remember if i've already written about this or not, but it's something i've turned over in my head, over and over again.
and the stuff that's left after an attempt at cleaning a corner, it's stuff i just can't part with. i try to tell myself i'll never use it, wear it, need it...but sometimes it's a random gift or has some memory attached to it. if the gift is too random and enough time has passed, i'm sometimes able to let it go.

there's also my mom's sewing machine in my room. that little area i can't really help since it's not mine. but things are just piling on top of and under the desk and ironing board. i'm not going to die if i don't clean it up immediately, since some things haven't moved in over 2 years. no lie. if i think about it, i haven't touched some things in over 2-3 years. but when i'm kind of in a bad mood or something, i wish i didn't have so much clutter in my room because that just adds to it. i want a nice, clean(er), neat(er) room i can sometimes get away to. or at least not feel overwhelmed by.

i feel like i want to clean my life out in general. i can't really explain what i mean by that. it's not like i have any people i want to cut ties or make ammends with. maybe a part of it is work. this is also something i probably have written about in the past.

i don't want to be stuck here at toyoshima. meaning i don't want to make this my career. but because it's easy compared to other jobs out there, i'm spoiled and i don't want to leave. i'd rather bitch and moan about it than leave and take matters into my own hands. i get decent money from here and it's very lax. i've never had to go through an interview or submit a resume. but i don't want them to rely on me. i probably won't leave for awhile since i plan to stay here while i'm going to school. but then comes the question of, "how long will you be in school?" and i don't know the answer to that. it'll take as long as it takes, is what i think. i'm still living at home so it's not like i have any major bills to pay. i paid for everything for school for this semester (books, tuition, parking) and i pay for my disney pass. everything else, my mom takes care of for me. so the money from this job is kind of like, i don't know the word for it, spare(?) money. i sometimes put some of my paycheck into my savings and the rest i get to do with it what i want.

theeennnnn....when i get to this point in my train of thought, it gets to be too much and i usually stop. give up and distract myself with something else to get my mind off of it. i feel so unsure of my life right now. yeah i'm only 22, but when people around me seem to be getting their shit together, i makes it harder.

sigh. i'm going to stop. until next time, bye!